Homesickness

**CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: It Is Well With My Soul covered by Chris Rice**

What other words or phrases come to mind when you hear the term: Homesickness?

Well, you're certainly NOT at home.
Tears being shed.
Feeling alone.
Being in a place where you should be having the time of your life, but you're not.
Selfishness...

How can I feel homesick?! I'm in ECUADOR! I can already hear the comments; "You have the right to be homesick, you've been gone for a long time," "It's okay! You're halfway done!" yeah, yeah...

I'm in this wonderful place and I was brought here for a reason. I never really thought about homesickness being an open door for the devil to walk right into, but it really seems that he's taken full advantage of that open door and is stomping around making himself at home. Making me do things and think things that I would have never even crossed my mind before.

Who am I?

"When I'm weak, You make me strong. When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me. cuz I'll never get by livin' on my own ability." -In Me by Casting Crowns
This song just came up on shuffle...funny how things work out, isn't it?

I don't want anyone to think that I regret coming here or that I am having a terrible time. I don't and I'm not. Ecaudor is beautiful and I am learning so much here. I have so many fond memories already and have made some great friends. It's just these times alone with myself that make me homesick.

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I have this blog saved to my favorites and I read it every so often because it's funny, but a lot of the time, it's also VERY insightfull. Today's post was about ''Letting go of the barns.'' that we hide in when we feel ''attcked'' or not good enough and the horses that reside there, appropriately named things such as, ''Affirmation'', ''Approval'' or ''Acheivement''. We ride these horses to get through it all; through the doubts, the harsh words or that all powering voice in the back of your mind telling your that you will NEVER be good enough.

I don't know about you, but I feel like I've been riding horses for a really long time now, especially here, in Ecuador. Looking for approval from others so that I know that I'm doing the right thing.

but Jon Acuff says, ''I am tired of riding horses.'' And so am I.

''It’s time to burn some barns.
It’s time to throw the lit match of grace into the dirty hay and false hope of the barns we’ve built for years.
It’s time to watch God blow up and consume the things we thought would save us, but never really could.
Give up the horses.''

Getting off my horse and hoping that it will last for at least a while. I wanna be ME again. I wanna show people who Chelsea is, not live through who I think they want me to be.

So, let me introduce myself...
My name is Chelsea Taylor Swanson and I am a Christian.
I am 20 years old and am currently studying abroad in Quito, Ecuador. I speak mediocre Spanish and really have no idea what I want to do after I graduate. I have a father, mother, sister and brother who I love and miss tremendously. I am living life day to day right now so I can get back home and run into their arms. I am going to try and live in the moment and take NOTHING for granted because I know God has a plan for me here.

"...I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am, and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand. You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm..."




World Traveler